God

There is just something special about M.  He's certainly gorgeous, funny, and an overall nice guy but there is just that something.  I've never met anyone who exudes sexiness the way he does.  This sexiness is nothing intentional or flamboyant, it's simply M.  I have yet to find something he does or says that isn't sexy. From his handwriting, his voice, his walk, the way he smells, the way he holds his drink, his people skills, his smile, his gaze, the way he sometimes slightly nibbles on his thumb, his laugh, and I haven't even mentioned actual sex.  Hell, the man even drives his car sexy.  I kid you not.  He's incredibly sexy, without even knowing it.

I like watching him from afar, sitting at the bar nursing a beer.  He's wearing a black shirt and I like him in black.  I don't go over to him right away, instead I make my rounds and say hello to a few people.  Its always a comfort when he visits me at work.  I can't explain why, but I feel safer, sexier if he's there.  I'm able to loosen up and forget my insecurities for a moment.

Once my night is over I come by his place.  I get there a few seconds before M arrives and we share a brief embrace in his carport.  We step inside only to be greeted by the smell of gas, as M's father accidentally left the stove on.  M turns off the stove with slight annoyance and turns on the fan before taking me to his bedroom.

Once I'm in his bedroom I fight the urge for wildness.  I want to rip his clothing from his body and fuck him hard and quickly to orgasm.  But at the same time I know it would be much more pleasurable to draw it out a bit, to let M lead and use me as he wishes.  I take off my pants and socks but leave on my bra, panties, and sweater.  We kiss for a moment and I admire the sweetness of his mouth.  I sit at the end of the bed while M undoes his pants.  I immediately suck him once he is sprung free.  Sucking M is almost a necessity for me.  I admit that I have always enjoyed cock sucking, but with M it has spiraled into something much more than just 'giving a blowjob,' for me.  I suck him, lick his balls, while M's hands roam my head, guiding my pace and pushing more cock into my needy mouth.

M feels inclined to taste me, which is not something he does very often.  I'm not a huge fan of receiving oral sex.  It can feel very good if I'm in the mood for it, but it turns me on more to suck him or lick his balls.  I've never climaxed from oral sex and due to my shyness it can be a bit embarrassing for me.

 He licks and sucks me gently before exploring me with his fingers.  I could have come at that moment, with his fingers inside me, but I hold back.  Before long he's fucking me as I lie on my back, my legs spread.  His hand tightly grasped upon my throat.  His hold is much tighter than the usual choke fucking I receive.  I can still breathe, but it's difficult and I don't get much air.  I don't mind and I don't worry about the lack of oxygen.  It's an incredible turn on, and there is something sexy about placing my life in M's hands.  I realize that sounds insane and I certainly wouldn't be able to achieve this level of confidence in just anyone, but its purely out of love, mutual respect, and trust that I am able to let go of fear.  He could choke me harder, longer, whenever he pleases, and it would not change.

M is fucking me with slow, deep strokes.  Each thrust has a faint hint of roughness to it.  It's perfect.  Sublime.  He whispers to ask me if I'm his bitch.  "Yes," I whisper back.  "Say it," M commands.  "I'm  your bitch," I whisper back.  I ask him to stop fucking me and let me suck his cock again.  He demands that I beg.  I am on the brink of orgasm and I desperately want to delay it.  I know that if I come now, I will not be able to do so quietly.  I think he must sense the ploy because he doesn't stop stroking for a few moments, pushing me dangerously close before I take him into my mouth.

I climb on top of him and we enjoy each other.  We kiss, M gently sucks my breasts, and I try to run from my orgasm again.  M holds me against him and shoves my panties into my mouth.  I roll him on top of me and he comes inside of me.  He lays on top of me for a while, draining every bit of himself into my body while I continue to lay there with panties shoved in my mouth.

 Eventually he removes my panties and climbs off of me, laying on the other side of the bed.  He grabs my hand and motions for me to join him, so that he can hold me as he falls asleep. I resist.  I want his comfort in the worst way, yet I can't take it.  I curl up into myself and attempt to sort through my emotions.  Lately, I  feel chaotic bliss after I climax.  I also feel angry.  Angry at M.  Angry at the control he has over my body.  Even though I wish for him to have control over me, it scares me once it is over.  I feel conflicted.  I don't know whether I want to cry, bare my soul, or slap M from his slumber.  Fucking M is becoming more like a confession for me.  I've been over analyzing, worried that I am no longer as pleasing as I once was.  That he no longer thinks of me as beautiful.  I've felt increasingly insecure lately and I fear that as my adoration grows for M, he will only grow boredom for me.  Perhaps most submissives feel this, as the most important thing for many submissives is to be pleasing.  To be anything but ordinary.  To be treasured.

My tears gather, but never fall.  I curl up next to M and he awakens enough to plant a few gentle kisses and pull me closer to him.  I listen to his breathing, his heart, and rest my head against him for a short nap before heading home.  When I'm certain he's fallen back to sleep I whisper to him that I love him.  Then I close my eyes.

DISPLAY

"When you come over tonight, you are to head directly upstairs.  Take off your clothes and put on the attire I will have laid out for you on the bed.  Come downstairs when you are done and stand before me.  Don't be late tonight."

I read the text with a bit of a shrug.  It's from M of course, and I wonder what this "attire" is that he has for me wear.  I'm aroused by this unusual and surprising request. 

I arrive and do exactly what I'm told.  He doesn't look my way when I enter, his eyes stay focused on the television as I slink away upstairs.  I am not greeted with his usual kiss and embrace when I come through the door, and I admit I am pouting about it a little.  I gently shut the door to his bedroom, and immediately go over to the bed to see what exactly I am to wear.  I see black hose, a pretty blue garter and matching bra.  The garter has straps attached to secure the hose, and I see he has also laid out my collar and leash. There are no panties, and feel a pang of nervousness as I disrobe.  I pull the hose on first, I stretch them gently so that they reach far enough up my thighs to cover most of my long legs.  Next I put on the garter.  It's a larger garter, one of the more retro sort of garters that go up higher on the waist.  The top of the garter sits above my navel, but the bottom doesn't adequately cover my pussy, even after I secure the garter to the hose.  I put on the bra, and it is much too small.  Most of my breasts hang out of the bra, threatening to spill out any moment.  I put on my collar and leash before I glance at myself in the mirror.  Not bad, I think to myself, but it doesn't stop me from being nervous.

I take a breath and head down the stairs.  M doesn't turn around and I am thankful for that.  I am not looking forward to facing his gaze, his scrutiny.  The shy girl in me just wanted to run out the door.  I go around the coffee table and stand in front of him.  I look at him, but sort of indirectly, I can't bring myself to meet his gaze eye to eye. 

"Turn around."

  I do so, and I can feel myself starting to blush.  He lets me stand there for a few moments before  he steps toward me, leading me by my leash back toward the sofa.  M sits and has me stand.  He rubs his hands over my stocking clad legs, his fingers lingering over the small space where the lace stops and the flesh begins. 

"You're beautiful.  You look so perfect.  Such a pretty girl I have." 

The words soothe me, reassure me.  I can feel myself growing moist, anxious for him to tear away at this pretty outfit and ravage me.  To my surprise, M only tugs roughly on the leash and orders me to my knees.  His voice changes from soothing, to commanding and stern.  I get on my knees.  I expect M to drop his trousers, and have me suck him.  Instead he sits back down on the couch.

"Sit down slut.  I am not ready for you yet.  Tonight is going to be different but I expect you to be a very good girl.  You are to obey me and do whatever I ask.  I do not want any hesitation, any disobedience.  Do not ask any questions or speak unless you are spoken to directly.  Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes," I say softly.  My stomach is in a small knot, my cunt is swelling at the anticipation and unknown of what M has in mind.  I am seated on the floor, while M watches television.  Every few minutes he reaches out and strokes my hair and face.  Gentle, loving strokes as he holds the leash in his other hand.  He doesn't speak to me or touch me anywhere else.  I'm anxious and starting to get a bit annoyed that I am all dressed up for him and ready, and he would rather be watching TV.  M's phone begins to ring and he goes into the kitchen to take the call.  When he returns he has a new order.

"Get on the table on all fours.  Do not move."

I'm apprehensive but I do it immediately.  The coffee table is not huge, but it's very sturdy.  M walks out of the room and opens his patio door.  A few moments later someone enters.  Male.  They are laughing and conversing in the kitchen. 

I feel a rush of embarrassment.  I only hope that the friend doesn't peer in and see me, that M will obstruct his view so that his friend is oblivious to the scantily clad woman on his coffee table.  I start to fume, I mean why would he let a friend come over at a time like this?

"Well I suppose I should show you what you have come here to see.  It really is a beautiful display."

The two men enter the room and I am horrified.  My mind races, and I don't know what to say or do.  I just remain there, shocked and frozen.  I can feel their eyes on me, as they converse as if I'm not on a coffee table.

"What do you think Tom?'

"Very nice indeed.  She doesn't mind being treated like this?  Wearing that leash and collar?"

M laughs.  "It only matters if I mind.  She is a toy, my obedient little slut.  I know what's best for my girl and she knows that.  She loves to cater to me, and will do whatever I ask."

"Wow.  She is beautiful but she doesn't look very happy.  I bet she is going to be pissed and will chew your ass out as soon as I leave."

M laughs harder this time.  "That will never happen.  You don't seem to understand.  She is my property.  She is very shy certainly, and part of her IS  upset that I'm doing this.  But the other part is aroused.  As soon as you leave she will be shoving my dick in her mouth.  She is a greedy, horny girl....I bet her pussy is soaking wet right now."

This time Tom snickers as I do my best to shield my face and hide my embarrassment. 

"I don't know M, it seems a little hard for me to believe.  She will really do anything you say?"

"Of course.  I don't harm her, I never would.  I push her yes, but never harm.  A man should always take care of his toys.  Let's have a better look at the display, stand up pretty girl."

M takes my hands and has me stand up on the table.

"So hot," Tom says.  I try not to look at either of them, standing up is much worse than my previous position.  "Her face is lovely, the body remarkable.  Very sexy body.  Her tits are huge."

"I definitely agree.  Her face is beautiful from any angle.  Doesn't she have the most beautiful legs?  You don't see legs like these every day."

"Such long legs.  Perfect."

"Is she not the hottest piece of ass you have ever seen?  She's a great fuck too, excellent little cock sucker.  She was made to suck dick."

"Her lips do appear well suited for it.  Does she swallow?

"Of course she swallows.  I can come wherever I choose.  She will swallow every last drop if I wish, she loves to taste me."

"She is a hot piece of ass.  Possibly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.  You are one lucky bastard."

  Do you want to look at her cunt?  It's lovely but she needs reassurance about it.  She doesn't like for me to look at it, she doesn't realize what a pretty cunt she has."

I think about running.  I can feel the tears brimming as M places his hand gently on my leg.  I know he is coaxing me, he can feel me tensing and is offering reassurance.  He gives my ass a gentle squeeze, I think he can sense that I need a little push.

"Step down from the table, turn around, and grab your ankles.  We are going to look at your cunt."
I do as I'm told.  Ashamed, humiliated, afraid, angry, and very very aroused.

"Look at that.  Just like I said.  Its soaking wet and drooling."  M places his hands on my ass, pulling my cheeks apart gently.  He flicks my asshole a bit.  "I fuck her here too, she has become quite the little ass slut.  She is still very tight back here, but she loves it."

"Wow.  I really don't know what to say.  She has a great pussy, beautiful pussy.  Man would I love to have pussy like that.  Can I see her tits?"

"Some other time.  We have business to attend to now.  I'm sure she is in desperate need of a fucking.  Go upstairs now slut and one of us will be up to use you."

I practically run up the stairs.  I am so thankful that it's over, pleased that I managed to sit through it.  I collapse on the bed and wait.  I hope M was just kidding about the last comment.  He wouldn't possibly send his friend up to fuck me.

Much to my relief, M strolls through the door a few moments later. 

He lays down next to me, caresses me, pulls me into his arms.  He kisses me, using my leash to pull me closer to him.

"Are you disappointed that it's me and not Tom?"

"No.  I only want you," I whisper against his neck.

"You are such a beautiful toy.  Such a good girl.  I am going to fuck the shit out of you."

M takes his time before he enters me.  He fucks me with his fingers, his mouth, teases my opening with the head of his cock.  He never lets me suck him, although I practically beg for it.  He pushes just the tip of his cock inside of my cunt before he stops and says;

"You are mine little girl.  You know that if I wish to share you, you must oblige.  Your body belongs to me and I decide who uses it and how.  You do understand that don't you?"

I simply nod my head yes against him, I am so eager for him to fuck me.  The need is primal and urgent.  M fucks me roughly, I come twice within the first several minutes.  He doesn't let up, doesn't allow me anytime to recover.  I begin to cry against him, tears of pure pleasure, tears of joy, tears of fear.  M either doesn't notice or care about my tears, he just fucks me harder.  My cries are louder, unable to control as I cum hard against him, hoping he will never allow another man to use me.

Still in the Air

I intended to continue on from the previous post.  I was going to go into great detail about what happened between M and I.  It's nothing tragic, I will summarize but I can't go into great detail.  It is embarrassing for me, and for some reason it seems too personal to write about.

M and I had anal sex that night.  We had incredible sex beforehand, and M whispered to me that he wanted all of me.  How could I refuse?  I was unsure, scared, I didn't know what to expect.  I didn't know if I was ready for anal sex.  I had anal sex with my husband quite a few times but this was different.

I will admit that I'm weird about anal sex.  Sure I can have casual sex, but I can't have casual anal sex.  I just couldn't let a guy I had casual feelings for insert his cock into my ass.  I don't know why exactly, I just couldn't.  For me, anal sex is a greatly submissive and emotional experience.  It takes a great deal of trust for me to even consider doing it.  I worried that M and I would view the experience in totally different ways.  I guess I wanted him to treasure it and not just take it.  This led to me over thinking, which led to me freaking out about the whole thing.   

I remember feeling pulled into two different directions.  Part of me didn't want to do it.  I knew it would hurt, but I couldn't help being insanely aroused at the idea.  My desire to submit to M was overwhelmingly strong.  I didn't want to deny him, and I knew he wanted it all.

I remember trembling with fear.  M whispered soothing words into my ear, my guard slowly crumbled away.  Eventually and slowly we got there.  It hurt initially, it was hard for me to allow those first several inches in.  He fucked my ass gently, rubbing my clitoris and fingering me while inside my ass.  He taunted me, telling me I was such a slut to let him finger my pussy while he fucked my ass.  I was soaking wet.  It was starting to feel good, and I hated that it had begun to feel good.  I was ashamed of the sensations.  M always said that I would like anal sex with him, and I wanted to prove him wrong.

Then it happened.  M was fucking my ass, and I said it.  I said "I love you," while M was in mid stroke. With his cock buried deep inside my ass is when I decide to tell him I love him.  This is the time I chose to make such an announcement.  Really???  I was caught up in the moment, the emotions took over everything and I think I sort of screamed it.  I know I said it more than once, and I'm not too sure how many times I said it.  As soon I finished screaming it I remember feeling like a total idiot.  I don't remember if M said anything afterwards.  I think he may have moaned or grunted after I said it, but he could of said, "There are pigs on the roof," and it wouldn't have registered at that moment. 

Shortly after my announcement M comes inside my ass.  I remember the relief I felt that my outburst did not screw with him enough to make him unable to orgasm.  I'm pretty sure I was overreacting but I felt really embarrassed.  I was trembling badly, and I was eager to leave.  It wasn't that I was really embarrassed for him to know that I am in love with him, I just felt awkward about it.  I didn't know if I should say anything or what he would take the words to mean.  I figured he would interpret the words to mean, "I love your cock," more than, "I love you," because of the circumstances in which I said it.  I felt foolish and as though I ruined the moment. 

It always feels like I am saying the wrong things.  I'll write more on this later........