I was reading a post on black girls are easy and read a post called "New Pussy is Overrated." It's quite a funny and interesting blog and written by a man who keeps it brutally honest. The post surprised me because I've read some posts where the author has gone on about the joys of new pussy. The topic made me think of a conversation M and I had a few weeks ago. At first we were discussing porn and I was explaining why I'm fine with it because I've never felt like I was competing with porn. I've never been with a man who had a real addiction for it and would rather watch porn than have sex with me. He began to say its because I'm so hot it's like I'm a porn star. But I disagreed. Even if I was the hottest girl ever, there will always be another hottie and it can be exciting to watch strangers do nasty stuff. Sometimes its just about watching nasty shit and if the person is hot, that's just a cherry on top. Watching porn has nothing to do with how hot the person you're fucking is, you're just gonna watch if you like porn.
While I think that having a significant other who you have good sex with can significantly cut down on porn watching, nothing will completely eliminate a man's need to watch it. The thrill of seeing new pussy can be the next best thing as getting it. My ex husband liked to watch porn a lot, and hid it from his first wife. She was cute, but honestly you could very easily see hotter women on porn. But even though she was just cute, he would have rather had sex. He watched a lot because he was young guy and his wife only wanted sex once a month. He would have rather fucked her every day and watched porn once a month. I never thought the issue of porn or cheating came down to hotness.
How many of us have said, "How could he/she cheat??!!?! I'd die to hit that," yadda yadda yadda. When Halle Berry was getting cheated on women found solace in it and men called her husband a dumb ass. Saying, "Even Halle Berry got cheated on," isn't any excuse for a man to cheat. Its not being beautiful that keeps a man from cheating. Lets be real, if a man has enough power, influence, fame, swag, game, good looks or whatever you want to call it to be with Halle Berry then he can use those same qualities to attract other women. The guy was probably getting top shelf ass before Halle Berry. A really beautiful woman isn't going to be as impressive when you're used to really beautiful women. Shit you see everyday inevitably becomes less impressive. Sure you can still love it, appreciate it, admire it, but once you've seen it and had it the wow factor changes.
Most beautiful, powerful women don't marry Kevin Federlines, and I know plenty of women who wanted to fuck K-Fed based on the fact that he was Britney Spear's husband. I'm not trying to excuse poor behavior but famous men have pussy thrown at them on a regular basis. I bet some of the women who had sex with Halle's ex husband did it because it made them feel like they were on Halle's level. They told themselves "He could be fucking Halle Berry but he's fucking me." They thought, "I must be just as pretty or even more desirable than she is." I'm sure some of the women he banged were beautiful and I'm sure some of them were not. They fail to see it was less about how they looked but it was more about the fact that they were different.
As gorgeous as Halle Berry is, we don't know what she is like in the bedroom. When people proclaim "How could they risk losing that...," they are acting as if hotness is the only precursor to good sex. I don't care how gorgeous a man or woman is, if they are a corpse fuck, or you're super nasty and they're more of a prude, or the sex has landed at boringville or significantly declined, then it will never work out. I'd sure like to lick Ian Somerhalder, and it may be better than winning the super bowl the first time, but once the wow factor wears off and you realize Ian comes in 2 minutes and has no clue where the clit is, that cute guy who works at starbucks will look a lot more appealing. Being dissatisfied will make the eyes wander and the mind wonder even more. For the record, nobody deserves to be cheated on but nobody is above being cheated on.
Nine times out of ten, guys would rather do a really average chick than jerk to porn even if the women on screen are super hot. Of course there are some guys who don't like porn at all or have a real compulsion, but for the most part I always felt like guys would rather be doing than watching. Its also what I see with my job. When a man is in good relationship with a woman he likes, he rarely comes to a strip club. Even if he was a regular previous to meeting her, his visits cut down by at least 75% once he is getting sex on the regular and is pretty happy with his woman. Again, this leads me to believe that men will rather have the real thing and not an illusion.
But that is what is so tricky about new pussy and new dick. Its an illusion without really being an illusion. Its not some image of women moaning and pretending they like it. New pussy and new dick may actually want to fuck you. We've all heard the saying that "For every beautiful woman there is a guy tired of fucking her." M actually said it when our discussion moved on from porn to sex and it made me think of something in the past. M used to work at a restaurant where this woman would come in. She was a regular customer, and married but had a few flings with some of the other male regulars. One night M met this woman's husband and I remember M going on about how nice the guy was, a police officer, good looking, yet his wife was cheating on him. Then he said "he'd have no problem finding another girl." While that may be true, it seemed that he was pretty much calling this woman stupid for cheating on a "great guy like that." I'm not excusing the cheating, but what he didn't seem to get was that maybe the girl was just chasing new dick. She probably wasn't looking for an upgrade. I threw out the "Well maybe the guy is an asshole," but I wanted to say, "The guy may be a good guy, but its the same dick." Yet I didn't say it. While it could be that the guy was an asshole, or they don't click sexually, it could just be that the thought of new dick was too enticing for her to pass up.
When a guy cheats on a "good" woman we usually get "that's the way guys are." When a woman cheats on a "good" man we say the guy must be an asshole, she must be stupid, or she's a whore. Generally there is always something "wrong" with the woman who cheats, or the guy has to be horribly fucked up to drive her to cheat. Women don't cheat for the thrill of new dick the way men cheat for the thrill of new pussy. This is a misconception. Perhaps it is because men think women don't think this way. Men think we don't look at attractive men and think "I wonder what he's like in bed?"
That's the difference with a lot of men and women. Guys will just throw it out there, but women always feel the need to protect guys supposedly fragile egos. He said men cheat/look at porn because of the thrill of new pussy, and I said women cheat because the guy is an asshole EVEN THOUGH I was thinking she just wants new dick. Perhaps the male ego is fragile, I don't know. But it always seems like women should just accept guys being guys, and if a woman does the same shit there is just something wrong with her. We tiptoe around a woman's sexuality and don't throw around the phrase, "For every hot guy with a pension there is a woman who is tired of fucking him." We just downgrade them to a slut and move on.
I don't mind porn but I wonder how many men would be okay if they came home and found their woman flicking their bean to a poster of David Beckham in his underwear? Would men be totally okay with finding their woman moaning to thought of Taye Diggs pounding her? I bet that a lot of the men who whine about their "uptight wives" who bitch about their porn watching would feel just as inadequate and ugly as some women feel when they catch you whacking it to Jenna J or whomever.
While I don't watch porn anymore, I masturbate to the thought of other men. Its not frequent but it happens. I think its pretty natural for people to do it, but women usually have to pretend to a much greater extent than men that they never think of anyone else.
New dick is on the same level as new pussy. Women love feeling desired and there is nothing more desirable than a guy who really wants to fuck you. New dick looks at you the way old dick doesn't anymore, he's giving you compliments, his dick is halfway hard just watching you walk away, he tells you you're the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, he looks at you like he wants to eat you alive, and you know he'll quit his job just to sink his dick into you. New dick can be pretty tempting. But its an illusion. The sex will be good because its new, not necessarily because its good sex. And even if the sex is great what does it really get you? Nothing really.
If your single, new sex can be great, but if you're in a relationship it makes you a coward. Cheaters are weak people with no balls. They lack the ability to man up. They're some of the most selfish people you will ever fucking meet. I know because I was a cheater. I had every excuse in the book. They're all excuses. "I stay for the kids, sexless marriage, monogamy isn't natural, my partner won't find out, that's just the way I am, I'm a guy, I can't get a divorce......" There is no "good reason" to cheat. It boils down to be being too chicken shit to say to your partner that you want out. Its being too selfish to let the other person out of the relationship because you want to have your cake and eat it too. If all the excuses aren't enough to keep yourself from fucking someone else, then why should they be so important to make you stay and lie? It's impossible to cheat without consequence. Just like there is no such thing as a free lunch, there is no such thing as free sex when you're in a relationship.
It takes the right frame of mind to get past "new sex euphoria." I used to tell myself it's not natural to be monogamous, and maybe that is true to some extent. But most people can't handle the thought of someone they care about with someone else. When I was a cheater I was a new dick chaser. Having someone in the line up ready to play was just as fun as the sex itself. I ranted about cheaters just now I know, but I get it. I understand the reason people do it. I know its insanely difficult to tell your partner you cheated, especially if your partner has done nothing wrong. For a long time I didn't even know why I was cheating. I thought I just liked fucking. I do like fucking but compulsive new pussy and dick chasers are pretty insecure people. At some point its time to grow up and realize that you can have great experiences with the opposite sex that doesn't involve their genitals. You can see a woman as a person and not as a conquest to add another notch on your bedpost. A lack of maturity makes you think that fucking someone new can give you something worthwhile. The hunt will make you stupid, reckless and mess up something great you could have with your partner.
New pussy and new dick are like fun jobs that don't pay well. You know it's not a career, but some dumb ass will try to make it a career. Dumb asses think that every job they get has to be fun even if they live on ramen noodles. They can't handle a job with even a mediocre amount of responsibility, even if the pay is way better. Its the same with chronic new pussy chasers. They fail to see the bigger picture. They only look at the immediate gratification and fail to see that with a lil" hard work you earn a lot more. Dumb asses think that having a fun, easy job puts them above people who have to "work for a living," the same way chronic pussy and dick chasers think they have outsmarted the rest of us by avoiding relationships. They see avoiding any work as the ultimate in life. Sure there are some people who will be more content with a peanut salary or just fucking random people but the majority of us NEED to be challenged. No matter how we try to delude ourselves its FEAR that drives us to stay in the same circle.
There is nothing wrong with taking the easy road sometimes. I'm not trying to say that if you're doing something easy you're wasting your time. Sometimes we just need to have fun. But a coward will continually pass up great, rewarding careers because the work scares them and they are too afraid to fail. The same can be said for relationships. There are times when the fun shitty job is appropriate, and chasing new ass is appropriate. Sometimes you need to build a resume, and sleeping with different people can be fun and help you figure out what you like. Nothing worthwhile is easy, and you learn by being challenged. There is nothing challenging about getting new dick or new pussy. You can always find someone to fuck you. The real challenge is finding someone to love you, learn from, and genuinely enjoy your company.
I'll admit that new dick does cross my mind, but I just can't be that person anymore. Its a horrible way to treat someone and I feel pretty ashamed that I was that person. But at the same time its given me a better understanding of myself. For me the hunt is over. And I found a pretty spectacular prize.
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